Still here....Tucson

June 19, 2010

Sedona and the red rocks were so beautiful and very refreshing for my spirit.
I met up with my beloved friend Darlene. We talked, laughed and had dinner after spending all day together. Such a beautiful person and connecting with her cleared out all the fog in my mind. The next morning Sky and I went for a hike up Boynton Canyon, before we headed south toward Tucson in the afternoon. The following morning I had errands to run, but by the afternoon Bluebird exhibited similar signs of discomfort and not running right. We turned into a shop. They however could not detect what is going on. By the time I called some European Services, that might know VW buses, the
workweek was already over. So here we are...marooned in Tucson until Monday.
This has not exactly been an easy road so far. Then again, I find myself wanting to skip steps. Which is what I had been doing, by not having prepared everything in the way I should have been. It reminds me of many years past, when this didn't seem to make much difference. Now there seems to be a different beat. I have been on this path of taking full responsibility for my actions, but didn't realize, how narrow and straight this path has become. Skip a step and cause and effect are right around the corner. The same is true when needs arise. It always seems to be available, just when I need something. So we are okay, staying cool. There is a pool, showers, laundry and coffee in the morning. BBQ tonight!

Sedona.......but who am I....?

June 16, 2010

We left Las Vegas in the early morning hours after saying a tearful good-bye to Mom and her dog Sasha. The drive over Hoover Dam and into Arizona was a breeze. Just before getting into Kingman I heard a slight noise coming from the rear wheel. Since we were just rolling into town I thought it best to stop and have it cheched out. Low and behold right there, shortly after the exit, was a Brake Repair shop. Turns out, both rear brake drums needed to be replaced. I knew, I should have gotten Bluebird in Vegas into a shop to have the brakes checked, but ignored once more my intuition, because I wanted to spend all the time available with Mom. Thank God again, this happened right in a town, where things could get taken care of. As it was, we had to stay there for the night, waiting for the parts to arrive the next morning. Needless to say, sufficient time to once more ponder my situation and how I had gotten myself there. It occured to me, how hard it is to really follow only intuition and not get engaged into the mind game. I have been more than lucky, always being in reach of help, when I needed it, but I also realize, to really flow with the Devine, takes a lot more fine tuning my awareness. I feel like riding a bicycle on training wheels. Like learning a new skill on a whole new different level.
When I rolled into Sedona yesterday afternoon, my spirit and heart took a leap. All of a sudden I could breath deep and free. I had the same experience in Utah, where I had come by a landscape dotted with cliffs and red rocks. Since I had left Montana there have been bouts of dealing with anxiety. Not in a major way, but enough to notice. Breathing deeply, like I had learned during my divemaster training in Mexico last winter, had gotten me through those days. I have never had anieties in my life and really wonder about myself. Some days, I don't even recognize myself. The feelings are so pronounced, whether they are positive or negative. Yet there is never any doubt in my mind to be on this journey. That is really the only thing I am sure about. Everything else feels like drifting down a river, not knowing what will be around the next bend. Well, I guess, that is what life is anyway. For me that means being absolutely vulnerable, but learning to accept that and being okay with it.

The route to being "humble"

June 8, 2010
It has never been quite clear to me what humble really means. Sure, I have had moments, days, even weeks in my life when I felt very humble. The healing work never seemed like it was me doing it. I always felt very privileged to be the instrument
to a greater power, thus let the work be done, so clients and patients could receive what they needed. That was my concept of being humble. But I could never fully translate that into other every day decisions, unless something bad happened and by taking responsibility for it, I felt humbled, as a result of it. More often I associated it with moments of beauty, deep love and connecting to people, places and events.
When I left Helena, I knew where I was going. I had made up my mind which route to take and what to see. My heart felt a bit heavy after saying good-bye to Sue,Rich and Hankie and the beautiful place they had provided for us. But it was time to go!
We headed southeast to Chico Hotsprings, Yellowstone Park and into the Grand Tetons.
It rained the entire time. Sometimes it stormed and the winds were buffeting Bluebird so visciously, at times I thought, it might blow us off the road. I was miserable. We saw a lot of wildlife along some of the most beautiful countryside, but the misery continued. One day I decided I will drive until I am out of the rain, before I stop anywhere for the night again. We found sunshine in Idaho. Even more sunshine welcomed us into Utah. Then Bluebird broke down. Fortunately this happened right at the entrance of a very small town on a Sunday afternoon. Sky and I hung out for hours in a shady spot behind a brick building, waiting for the searing heat to ease off at sunset. This gave me ample time to ponder my situation. I wasn't upset, just kind of stumped. A day before I departed Helena, in a dream I was shown the route...to go to Chico, then Yellowstone and out the westside to Idaho on the I 15. But the dream had been sketchy and kind of fragmented and I had forgotten it. I remembered it that afternoon. The next morning I brought Bluebird to the mechanic.
It turned out to be a minor problem from bad fuel that could get fixed for little money by a handsome, sweet young (presumable) Mormon man. We took off in the direction I-15 south. By then I had realized how fortunate we had been and how vulnerable we are going to be. My conversation with God was something like: "Okay, I will get out of the way.....I will trust....I will follow directions.....and I am very grateful. To be humble is to be grateful, even when there is no answer for why!

Waiting in Helena, Montana

May 27, 2010

Waiting to leave...! The Subaru Forester has been sold. But dealing with bureaucracy is like having to walk through wet cement. Even at their fastest pace it seems slow.

So we (Sky and I) have been hiking the local mountains, enjoying our stay with Sue and Rich and soaking in the nearby Hot Springs as often as possible. Even tended to Pottery firing at the Archy Bray Foundation, where Sue is honing her skills in this creative art.
Having to wait for paper trails to be completed has let me become aware of, how nice it feels, not having to charge ahead or rush into the next chapter. This is a journey.....every day.....to be lived and experienced. The destination is just a possible idea. We will all get somewhere, even if we never plan to go anywhere.

Meet " BLUEBIRD "

May 18, 2010

Got back to Montana on the 5th of May. The next morning an inch of snow covered the ground. By now it is warm again. Actually hot at 80 degrees.
My friend Danya had found a VW Camper in Missoula that he really liked and had looked over very closely. I had searched the internet and had found several possibilities, but all included some travel to inspect them. Intuition kept whispering.."go to Missoula", but my mind kept telling me..."that would just be too easy". I finally went, tested the vehicle, liked it and bought it on May 11th.
Ursula, my friend from Alaska, was there to visit her husband (Danya). We all had a great time visiting. On Sunday, the 16th, Ursula and Danya drove the Van to Helena.
The first test run went well, according to Danya. Bluebird performed nicely on the pass.And would you believe it, we found a bear fetish in the front ashtray. If I had still harbored any doubts about the vehicle, they vanished upon seeing the little bear. Ursula and Danya had to leave on Monday. Saying good-bye was hard, knowing it would be a long time before we meet again. I was bummed out for the rest of the day and spent a few hours lying in the upper bunk of " BLUEBIRD ".

Continued

Dashed off to Omega Institute for " Shapeshifting " seminar with John Perkins and Llyn Roberts. It was great to see the clan/family again, knowing a whole week of
journeys, healing and ceremonies lay ahead. Connecting with the beautiful land of the Omega campus and all the wonderful people that work and volunteer there.
The first 4 days of journeys took me to a "void", a space or place of no sound or contrast. Like sitting in a huge white bowl, knowing the space beyond the eyes capacity is reaching far beyond. The only thing to make out were little tiny grey specks, kind of hovering and vibrating all around me. This was new. Still have no idea what it was about, but I felt perfectly content with it. Also had a visit with a black water snake, skunks, hawks and geese at my camping spot right by the lake. The week was over all too soon.
From there I drove with a friend to Boston, picked up a rental car the next day and hopped over to Maine for a visit with my beloved "noble heart sister" Niki and her
beautiful baby boy Tenzin Chopak. He is awesome!!!He kisses with a full heart and an open mouth.

New York***Boston***Maine

May 15, 2010

Landing in New York City and looking at the Manhattan skyline felt so odd. It seemed unreal.
The city was buzzing as usual. Spring flowers and blossoms everywhere. I had been to N.Y. several times in the last 3 years, but this time I got to view the city through the eyes of a couple of 24 year old artists...musicians. My God son Andre and his girlfriend Natalie, who both now live in the Big Apple.....making their own tracks.....maturing in beautiful ways.....and loving the City with all its opportunities for creative endeavors. It was wonderful to connect and share their
love...passion...and fire!