Aimless wandering........

February 8, 2011

It is a strange sensation when life comes to a halt. When what you knew and the things you relied on are no longer so. Most everyone on Earth has had such a moment or two.
For me the shock of loosing Sky left me in a hace. At first you still try to do the things you had planned or what seems logical, but a part of myself wanted to stop all activity, needed to figure out how to be now.
It felt like entering an ocean of emotions, filled with grief and pain, but also seeing incredible beauty all around me and expiriencing a heightened awareness of so much love and support comming from friends, family, spirit and Pachamama.
Noga and I left for Pisac in the Sacred Valley to participate in an Ayahuasca Ceremony, shortly after my return from Machu Picchu.
The medicine was very strong for me. I was sure I would die that night. There were moments where I felt and saw Sky in his death throes, but then it was my own body being swept away. I told myself not to fight it, but surrender to whatever might be, wondering at some point, what my friends in Alaska will think when they find out, both Sky and I had perrished in Peru. The physical process was anything but easy.
The visual scenery however was amazing, with three dimensional lights, shapes and forms. At some point I entered a library of symbols, knowing the meaning of each glyph. I also received instructions on how to direct and control energy. After the second time of purging, a great peace came over me. Some ancient memory had left my body, as the little people carried off a fosselized large piece of ivory.
Although the effects of the halucinogen lasts appx. 5 hours, it took me 2 days to come fully out of it. The plant had also strongly told me to avoid consuming sugar, salt and coffee from now on.
Next I set off for a 4 day trek to Choquequirao ruins. The hike was streneous, descending from 3300 meters to 1900 meters and climbing back up to 3300 meters, the site of the temples. A curious puppy joined our trek on the 2nd and 3rd day. Aside from the coloring and the big ears, the puppy reminded me very much of Sky, when he was the age of around 6 months. I thought, maybe Sky is comming along in this puppies body and was grateful to have her along. We wandered through spectacular country, a deep canyon sliced through the mountains by the Apurimac River. The ridges looked like someone had taken a knife and carved them with very sharp, exact lines. We were a small group of four. Francois, another tourist, Guido our guide and David was in charge of the Mule and cooking and camping equipment, which was carried by the mule.
There are no villages along the trail, but a few dwellings here and there. Some deep in the canyon, others high up on the side of the mountain. All of which are 5 to 9 hours riding distance from the next village, where supplies can be found. There is no electricity. People live by the schedule of sunrise and sunset, cultivating maiz, potatoes, fruits and vegetables. The Choquequirao ruins sit on top of a mountain with wide views of the surrounding peaks,ridges and valleys. The trek was well worth the pain of reaching it.
Upon returning to Cusco, although I felt pretty good physically, all I wanted was to rest in a peaceful place and just be without schedule or intinerary. I decided to head back to the Sacred Valley, to be in the soft, soothing energy of the fertile valley and it´s majestic mountain terrain.
Without thinking about where to go or what to do I found myself back in Ollantaytambo, spending my days exploring the ruins and celebrating the full moon high up at the templo de la luna. My mind was very peaceful, but my body felt exhausted and low on energy. I still had not figured out how to be, without Sky by my side. There were many thoughts passing through my mind in these days, but they seemed kind of random, depending where my focus was directed at the time. I spent many hours listening to the river flow, walking aimlessly through the Valley. Before I knew it, ten days had passed. The aimless route had taken me to Urubamba, Pichingote, las Salinas (Salt Terraces), Morray, Calca, Tampay, Quisacocha Lagunas and back to Pisac.
It seemed like the San Pedro plant had been calling me to her. So it was no surprise running into Javier in Pisac, the second day there and discussing to join a San Pedro Ceremony.
From all I had heard, San Pedro is supposedly not as hard on the body as Ayahuasca, and I wanted an easy journey this time.
Even though, Javier had given me a very light dose of the medicine, what was to normally last 8 to 10 hours, turned into a 24 hour journey for me. It was physically not as taxing, but I felt like I was being dissembled and reassembled over this period, with the first three Chakras pulsing at an unbelievable frequency.
Somewhow all this was tied in with the heart of Africa. The pain of the people and the land of Africa. The beauty of their voices singing and their bodies dancing to the rythm of drumbeat. At other times I was flying, leaving my body behind, to the far corners of the Universe seeing a lot of things. My mind had long given up any attempt of interpreting what was happening, allowing me to be taken wherever the plant wanted to take me.
Again, my recuperation took a few days. One morning I woke up and felt very happy, delighted to be alive and be here. I also knew, that I was now ready to continue the Ruby Road to it´s conclusion at Lake Titicaca.